Saturday, March 7, 2009

Inescapable Eavesdropping: Subway After Midnight

Subway at one in the morning. Wanted Chanos but there were too many people. Begin ordering my sandwich as the loud voices of what i assume to be two fraternity brothers disrupt the gentle quiet that usually settles in these 24-hour fast food joints at this time. But alas, it was thursday night. Run over from the club across the street. Here we go:

BROSEF: If they left already and we don't get home then ... then we're just gonna beat the fuck out of them and then break their - break their shit!

BROBRO: Yeah! Its in everyone's best interest that we don't break their shit ... and that we get home.

Brosef raises his phone to his ear.

BROSEF: Fuckin' mother fucker better pick up ... Oh Shit

BROBRO: What?

BROSEF: Its going to voicemail! AHH SHIT! OK, Listen up. You didn't pick up your phone. Do you understand what that means? I hope you realize how FUCKED you are right now. You are so FUCKED. I hope its setting in further and further that you are so fucked right now. Because we're gonna fuck you. You don't NOT pick up your phone when i call. And you are so fucked. With each passing second I hope you get just how fucked you are. Because you are so fucked. You need to back here.

BROBRO: (laughing) Its in your best interest!

BROSEF: Its in your BEST interest that you come back here. You don't just leave and then not answer when i call. ... You're fucked, man. So FUCKED. and i just hope you realize how fucked you are...

He hangs up. They laugh. "They are so fucked! They don't even know how fucked they are!" Later when they get up to order their sandwiches they are told that the ATM connected to the cash register doesn't seem to be working so they'll have to pay in cash.

BROSEF: WHAT? You have both. I want like a discount.

SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: The machines broken. I'm sorry.

BROSEF: It says that you have both. I should get a discount because it says that you have both. I can pay with cash but it says you have both and if one isn't working then ... I should get a discount. This is bullshit.

BROBRO: Its not their fault, really.

BROSEF: No ... i guess. No! It is their fault. Fuck it. Could you just toast the bread a little bit. I don't want it super toasted, just do it a little bit. Its kind of a weird request but its better that way.

The line was backed up because the handful of people in front of me had to go out to the ATM in order to pay. Thus i was subjected to the loud complaints of two metro-bros in the first of many installments of Inescapable Eavesdropping!

No comments: